I want to use this space to completely rip this movie which, quite honestly, may be the worst action movie ever made. Instead, I will simply summarize my reaction this way:

When you go see Transformers, bring your iPhone, Blackberry, or laptop. Surf the web, answer emails, do whatever until you hear a gunshot or explosion or ominous music. Start watching until someone starts talking without an explosion happening at the same time, at which point you can return to your other activity.

Or, better yet, just wait until it comes out on Netflix. Seriously. Save your money.