In the post on United 93 below, Sural asked me:

it’s always interesting to me, hearing your views on 9/11. I’m not sure if it’s because i left the country less than a week later/was a little preoccupied (admittedly self-centered) with my own safety in flying…but it’s never been as intense an experience as it seems to be for you, maybe because i feel “silly” thinking i have any right to feel loss when i didn’t really lose anything….

…

why do you think this is so personal for you?

Here’s the answer I promised.

The short answer is, “I don’t know.” I think intellectually, I agree with you… I feel “silly” to feel loss when I didn’t really lose anything. On the other hand, I do really change the channel when I see the commercial come on for that movie. That discrepancy made me write the original post in the first place.

I don’t really feel loss, though. It’s not that feeling. It’s more a recognition of what happened. I’ve internalized a lot of the events of that day and the days and weeks surrounding it, like many who were here. (and I’d emphasize, again, that I don’t think I’m any different than many if not most people out there). I wonder if being out of the country changed the experience for you?

I felt it was important, at the time, to witness what I could and to remember what I could. In October, I had to go to NYC to pick up visas for Mom and I to go to China. I ended up walking from 42nd and 12th Ave down to Chambers and Greenwich while I was waiting. I saw the wreckage from as close as I could. I even knelt and said a prayer. On my way down I passed firehouses, collective tributes and shrines to the victims, and the other ways people grieve. After seeing all that, how can I not be affected?

The way many of the victims died also affected me. It taps into some personal fears about death. I’m someone who likes being in control of my situation. Those deaths ripped control away from every victim, even the ones that survived.

All of it sort of blurs and blends together. Combine that with the intellectual things that I recognize. Knowing that 9/11 would excuse racism and bigotry. The historical impact of having this particular President at that particular time (I can’t think of anyone worse and remember thinking that pretty much on 9/12). This movie will start all of those discussions again. A common sentiment I’ve seen on blogs is that this movie will remind people of 9/11 and what we lost. As if we need reminders. The politicization of the film is sort of the final straw.

Don’t know if that answers anything. Probably doesn’t, but there it is.