So, as some of you may know, I was invited to do a focus group last night. Having run focus groups during college, I find them to be alot of fun, but also a very good way to study humanity, especially what people do when they find their opinions to be challenged forcefully. This one in particular, was interested because it had to do with two of my “favorite companies” which I will name later for those of you who’ve never heard me speak of them.

Now, to get into our little clique here, you had to be slightly “tech savvy” and have had “numerous problems” with your Windows PC over the last year (and being an IT guy, I could definitely sympathize, even though I own only macs). Other than that, the only other requirement was you needed to be able to get there (it was outside the city).

So, I arrived, and after a short delay, they brought us into a room where a guy like one of the male cheerleaders from “Bring it On” started trying to get us excited. He failed. That is, he failed until he told us about why we were there.

So, then he starts describing the first of two services: it would provide pre-emptive, pro-active, preventative services that would protect your windows PC against any software corruption, viruses, mal-ware of any kind (spyware, etc.). they would have phone support 24×7x365. and would have onsite people who could come out and help if there was that serious a problem. Would you be interested in such a service, he asks? (and why, all of a sudden did I feel like I was in a commercial with Billy Mays?) People loved it. They would have been in heaven if such a service could truly exist.

After a few minutes of jabbing back and forth, “well, I’d love it if everytime Microsoft updated something, it didn’t break something else” was the most common comment. Well, wouldn’t you know it, this service was, in fact, being sponsored by MICROSOFT! MICROSOFT! I couldn’t believe it! I was floored! Were they kidding?!? These are the people who still can’t figure out how to make notepad work, and now they want to do MORE to ruin people’s lives?!?!

Well, wouldn’t you know it, the group errupted. “are you kidding me?” “Who do they think they are?” “I wouldn’t give them another dime” “Pass the chocolate” “Why can’t they add PowerPoint to the dictionary of Word and stop messing up my computer” It was incredible. I was in heaven. Everyone did a complete 180. Now, NO ONE wanted this service that they were so high on just five minutes earlier.

Still having not come down from my high, I just sat back while Billy Mays pitched me the next one, which was remarkably close to the one above, except this one included hardware and networking support. People were even HIGHER on this one than the one before! So excited, but they were sobered by the fact that it would probably cost a ton of money. So, after talking about what they’d pay for something like this — which, by the way, didn’t last as long as the conversation about the less comprehensive program above — we were asked, in a sort of call-and-answer style, if we wanted to find out who would provide such a service. But before he could do so, he had to make sure that no one could hear outside….

….Then, after coming back in, yes, he showed us my other favorite company… AOL!!!!!! AOL was going to provide this service! Oh, there it was, my night was complete! I could now go home and start drinking heavily. God, I loved it!

Now, as opposed to microsoft, where everyone was opposed, in this case, people were even MORE opposed (if that was even possible). “AOL has done nothing to help me in the past and they already provide most of these” “Except for file protection, they have no experience in this” “ooh, kit kats” “Who will provide the networking help, since now all they tell us to do is reinstall windows as the solution” I loved it. I felt like Denis Leary in that Anger Management episode of the Job. It was so good. I was vindicated.

Ah, I love focus groups.