The Cheesy Gordita Crunch is the world’s perfect food. It is unfair for you to offer such temptation to a hugely pregnant woman who is so unable to resist that she had a dream about eating one last night. Please cease and desist all advertising of this deliciously evil concoction.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Hugely Pregnant Woman

PS - Your so-called Fire Sauce does not live up to its name. Can you fix that too please?